Reckless Boldness

I arrived home today at little before 5. We left Indiana by 6:45 this morning, so it was about a 10.5 hour drive. It was a rather uneventful car ride with the initial shock of driving away from Taylor with tears streaming down my face. Despite only having about 4.5 hours of sleep, I was wide awake. I held my pillow for comfort wishing I hadn’t packed the stuffed only stuffed animal I brought to school that comforted me so many things throughout this tumultuous year. I threw in my headphones to drown out some emotion with the always-calming Bon Iver; however, I could not rid my thoughts of leaving Taylor.

I finally pulled out my journal and documented my adventures over the past few days. This weekend has been one of the best I have experienced in my life. I can’t remember a time where I was so blissfully happy. I got a chance to resolve some things that could have turned into some major baggage, and I got a chance to reconnect with people that mean the world to me. Even helping decorate the floor made me break out into huge smiles. I cannot get over how amazing this weekend was. I don’t think I could have written a better way to end my time at Taylor.

I got to meet the freshmen on the floor and they are AWESOME. I wish I could stay so I could get to know them more and see how they start to integrate into the floor. Plus, the leadership on the floor feel like they have been hand-picked by God to bring these women closer and closer to Him. The leadership throughout the bilding get along really well and bring such different things to the table but not in such a way that their ideas compete; they complement each other very well. It was so much fun to sit back and watch them all hang out because they truly enjoy each others’ company. Not only that, but they also want to challenge each other as leadership and as brothers and sisters in Christ. It’s so cool to see that kind of community come out a structured form but blend together naturally.

Confession time: I loved this year’s hoedown. Last year, I was kind of in culture shock. I was freaking out about going to school in the middle of the cornfields with all these conservative, Midwesterners, and then there was a hoedown to top it all off. I was like, “what am I doing here?! I like the coast! Why am I wearing plaid listening to a guy explain different square dances?!?!” This year’s hoedown throw-down was pretty much the icing on the cake of a wonderful weekend. I got to see so many people I thought I wasn’t going to be able to say goodbye to. I got to talk to someone who I lived with for 2 months this summer and her current roommate. I eventually joined in the dancing about halfway through the first part with a pretty happy guy. Our group of 8 had so much fun. During the break, I connected up with some old and new friends. We formed a new group of 8 and danced until our feet were sore. I had the time of my life. Who knew this girl who constantly craved people, building, hills, and the beach would have the time of her life at a hoedown in a parking lot??? I never thought that day would come…but then again, I never thought the day would come that I would transfer out of Taylor.

I was once told to approach God with reckless boldness. To ask him things that are absolutely insane. To pray for things that I think are impossible. Honestly, I think what I’m doing is kind of insane. Who willingly leaves a community the love and call family to follow a path that they have no idea where it leads? This guy. When I started praying for direction, God would not get this out of my head. Now, while I don’t know what school I’m going to specifically, I feel like God is calling me to New York City. It kind of scares me despite visiting Philly countless names and New York enough to know what it’s really like. I looked at school in Boston and even the UK, but images of NYC keeps crashing through saying, “oh wait! Don’t forget about me!”

Eventually I will be heading up north in some sort of capacity, whether that be in 4 months or 12 months. I’m hoping to get some sort of internship (preferably remotely so I can be on the road a bit as I visit friends I have spent virtually no time with.)

I am praying that I will get into some sort of textile school and find a stimulating job in the meantime. I pray God’s hand will be on my living situation no matter what  they may look like this coming year. But more importantly, I pray that God blows my expectations out of the water. There are so many unknowns that I have learned to not rely on expectations to get my through this next phase of life, so I pray that God works tangible miracles in the lives of those I encounter throughout my period of transition.

God, I dare you to blow my mind every day with your love, compassion, and power.


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